Neila ~ Sabine R.s 250% complete Profile

Alternative Reality Blog: re-URLd

2009-11-20T16:51:00.000+01:00

Alternative Reality Blog: Starting Over with Neilas Alternative Reality Blog

Why? click above ;)
I am also going to move most of my stories and poems over, which belong there.

Schon aus Seo-Gründen ist es doch ein wenig günstiger, wenn die URL so lautet wie der Blog-Titel.

Prisoner Behind Glass

2009-05-06T01:01:00.007+02:00

Craze of Love – Windows Live ~ by me 07.08.2005 - (often renamed)

He is starting to live where she lives on his screen
The perfect flower he created in his heart
The one that could not hurt him with her thorns
He washes the blood off his pierced hands with the dew on her petals.
Dangerous medicine for his not half cured wounds

He desperately embraces the danger
Her soft warm body, hot kisses
Painted on glass.

A prospector, insane through lonesomeness
Craving for the gold of her hair
While the gentle touch of her fingers creates
Only letters.

Words like honey drops are bitter manna for his starving soul
Stabbing his heart like poisoned knives.
Until he seeks ease
Diving into the quiet lake of her eyes
Secretly wishing to drown there when they close
So he would not have to ever leave.

He keeps walking the impossible forbidden path to her heart
In treacherous certainty that one day he will live there.

He delivers himself to these tender hands
To let the well known suffering they cause cover all those others he cannot control
The welcome pain, that tells him he is alive.

Substitute

2008-09-30T04:34:00.001+02:00

She was always there. She knew, how much he needed her to listen, care, reassure him. He was used to her, he loved her. There was no way she could not love him, however much she denied it. He lived with her for the better part of his life, and after a while forgot the fact this part of his life was not real.

She was there for him and only for him. It was so easy to ignore the others that were there with her as well. The only reality for him was her presence, her love for him, and the fact she could never leave him, never let him down, as others had done before.

He would never lose her. Their relationship would never change. She would always be near him - only a mouse click away.

Love Letters and Memories

2008-07-02T01:22:00.003+02:00

As an online marketer I often join one or the other community, when someone invites me, looking for business friends, webmasters, bloggers, but homebusiness is a lonely job as well, so any communication is welcome - only, outside facebook - not checked linked-in yet, all the world seems to consist of people who do not just lack communication, but are desperately searching for their partner.

Whether my profile is set up correctly or not - I never forget to write first place thatI'm a happily married mother of a grow-up son - between the advertisements and scams (really few nowadays, luckily) there are the letters asking to come to come to know me closer - "and here is my messenger id". - I sure have no time to chat, and I sure know what they want and hope they forget me among all the other girls they wrote to - but when I check back after perhaps a month, I find so many asking why don't you answer?I hope, they read my blog as well, where I tell why I don't answer... .

Cyberia is a lonesome place, I know, that is why we join communities and make friends.

Only, why are you looking for Love online? I wished I could say different, but from all the experiences with so many former friends - and recent ones who gave up on me at least - I can only tell:

Love is something that belongs to the Real World, not to Cyberspace. And Love has to do with nearness, not with long distance. Sure, it is even better when it starts as a nearness of minds - but that makes the situation even worse. 'The farther away, the closer to the heart'. And the harder to bear the fact, that s/he is not near.

Why would you want to suffer so much? Can I not understand this, because I am Neila, the Spacelady, or because women in general keep a clearer head? You may answer: "It is my heart, that tells me to love, it is not me."

No, wrong answer! When your eyes see a picture, when your mind reads some words, when your ears hear music, it always goes to the brain first.

There is a man in my mind, he has left my virtual life since a long time, and I knew it would come to this. - No, I'm a married woman, and had I started some years earlier, he could have been my son, I was not 'in love' with him. I just - well, hard to describe my feelings, perhaps it was a kind of love, a different kind from this man-woman thing. He somehow became a part of my life, however much I tried to drive him away. And all I did was suffering with him all the time, and wondering, why such a sweet handsome guy could not find a wife.

I hope, I helped him a bit through this hard time by offering a virtual shoulder to cry on - that is, he was one of those men who don't cry, and I did it secretly for him after log off. It really is so much harder to be forced to help a friend over his impossible love, when you are the object yourself.... .

He has left the Cyberworld for good now - step by step, looking in only to find me now and again for a while with longer and longer intervals, and I know he will never anymore after more than a year. I wished I knew, if he is happy now so he doesn't need me anymore. - But at least I know, he is over it now, missing me does not hurt so much anymore that he is forced back into the dangerous Virtual World.

This process is normal - only with him it took a little longer:

However deep a feeling my be, it will faint. Looking at an old married couple, still loving each other, caring, and so on, - but it is such a different relationship now than it was when they got married. - but they were together all the time, had somehow grown together, and the feelings only changed.

Over a long distance - how could that happen? Into what togetherness should the feelings flow, when the other is never physically near? Even if both love each other and there is no fast way to get together, the feelings just fade during each one living his own life and growing in the daily necessities that leave no room for constant daydreams. One forgets - sure not the person, but the feelings one had. - Internet is only a passtime for most people, and one will look in only from time to time, if one meets the other, one is happy to meet, if not, there was something else to do anyways, someone else to chat with without having to feel troubled, or write ones old neglected Blog... .

how to meet women try Internet Stud Spray

2008-06-02T04:04:00.002+02:00

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Internet Stud Spray - seems a must-have for you. Check it out!

Here is the Ultimate Western Ballade

2007-09-13T21:20:00.002+02:00

El Paso by Marty Robbins

As a kid I sometimes listened to cry
now it feels good to listen instead of crying

...no, I'm not sentimental, just
sometimes I have trouble sorting my feet on the dance floor, so please,
Mr.Caller, must it really be El Paso when I'm in the Square for a
performance?

Little trivia: Which was the first Country Song to ever be awarded a Grammy?

http://www.squidoo.com/marty-robbins/

In the Middle of the Curve: Blogging as Therapy

2007-08-03T20:51:00.001+02:00

In the Middle of the Curve: Blogging as Therapy

7 Easy Steps To Find Love On The Net

2006-09-07T21:39:00.003+02:00

(Caution my dear! If you think it might concern You, better don't read
- might contain Irony) - and it is more adressed to women, but sure men may read ;). This post is about Love, not about that other thing.
(And it is not about the romance scammers both genders must always be aware of. Easiest thing to find out, when you are not sure: don't trust, just because you want to and always complain how little money you have, how hard it is for you to find a job, or such things instead of bragging.)

This is about Internet Love of course, so: go online.
Install a Messenger (for this purpose I mostly recommend Yahoo, but any other international service gives similar results).
Create your Persona and Choose your Nickname wisely.
If it starts with an A you have good chances to be on page one of any directory for a long time, even after you are not new anymore. But avoid signs before and specially aaa-things, these are reserved for 'professionals'.

I have no experience with more sweet nicknames; I guess those will be more attractive for tougher machos, so they might be a bit safer for you, (in case you are insecure if you could hurt someone by refusal.) Sweet and sexy names are more attractive generally, but they might attract even more lousy sex-chatters Of course you have the ignore button at hand always.

To find more interesting persons, choose something mysterious or funny, but never sexy. (The mere fact you are female lets you appear sexy anyways, even when you are a grandma.)
Obligatory: Go Chat Room-Hopping.
It speeds things up.
Don't expect to find a place for nice chat, but your existence is recognized.
~~Obligatory~~: Fill in your Profile.

A Profile Is A Must !

happily

Hey, Guys,

women do like to know a bit about you before they answer! They do check profiles.

never

"hi" is not a message

a Picture makes the profile more interesting.

unless you are up to cyber sex. (out of subject here, remember the title of this post.)

Ok... You are online - your screen persona, that is - with your messenger set to open chat and all background work is done... You are set.

Now wait, until someone says "hi" (if you are content with that) and answer.

A simple "hi" from your side is enough; you should not even yet intensify it with a smiley.

Later on, when you are over the beginner's state you will know how to distinguish how and who to answer.

(It helps, when the caller has a profile. You can usually find his sentiments, at least between lines. And you can see a lot in a picture, when you pay attention and can see the eyes well.
This is a chapter on its own and will follow soon.)

After some test-chats you must very soon make up your mind about what your actual aim is: You are really looking for love?

You will find (and in some cases be surprised) many men are indeed desperate and serious. So be sure the guy you talk with is someone you might consider.
Once started, a friendly answer can't be taken back. - And there are men around who misunderstand a simple "hi" for "Yes, I do".

Most promising candidates are:

- Men, who directly say they are lonesome, disappointed, divorced, separated, widowed. In their middle ages, at least over 30, the nearer your age the better - the nearer your place of course also, if you are looking for reality. (Save yourself and him from tearful, impossible long distance romance.) (This is meant serious.)

- Young men. You can be sure they really need you, when they are driven to Cyberia by their individual reason you will soon detect.

- North Africans. No, it is unjust to think they all are only after a visa, some are even not bad up in their country and love to be there, they just have serious problems with their own women.... (which sure is their own fault, but this is another chapter on it's own.)

Of course you have to be VERY careful (and at times very tough against sweet words) to make sure what they want.
- And don't forget, this is more than long-distance.

(Or you want to feed your ego with quick results and need not to be choosy for the individual person?

Considering this point, I must be serious again - it is just not funny. So please be fair and avoid specially the above mentioned categories of men, unless you can sure distinguish the less serious individuals among them. Anyways, getting them to court you is just too easy to be a challenge you could be proud to have mastered. - Go for a position as sex goddess instead, but avoiding cheap cyber- and cam-sex! How can you master this?)

Back to subject:

7. Be there - talk - LISTEN.

Just talk with him - for an average of 20 minutes - then he will declare himself. (It can be 5 minutes, and still true, would you belive this?) If not, you can relax and take a bit time to consider your own initial feelings.

Be quick and precise in doing this, because the only important thing is:
Be there for him if you want him and avoid to if you don't.
After an average of 3 chat sessions all will be clear:
Either you can communicate well, subject irrelevant, or it gets boring and you should initiate a polite quick end.

You get friendly feelings and he keeps calling you?

THAT'S IT - Done, You have attracted Love, now cultivate it.

Now all can go on like it would in real life. I personally don't believe in long lasting love at first sight or read, but it happens and follows the same rules: Come to know each other well before planning the future, be friends! Not just burning with mutual desire.
Test and prove the love, and so on and so on....

Still, two final little serious warnings: Yes, it is this easy to find Love on the Net. But first, in most cases it is just an illusion. There are indeed people around who directly look for this illusion of love. And it gets so much harder, when it is only one of two.

Second: when one is looking for a friend - the more serious s/he is, the more likely s/he is to hurt the other one who unavoidably developes either deeper feelings, or it is the other way round - any way, I will never understand, why so many so deliberately search for possibilities to hurt themselves. And they unavoidably must meet meet their counterpart, the one that is after the thrill of easilily finding someone to hurt with as little effort as a smile and a typed kiss.

Where are You?

2006-04-22T21:05:00.001+02:00

Where are You, my Rejouvenator?
Why do You not call me anymore?
I need to see myself through Your eyes once again.
Are You afraid I fell in love with You?
Because You said, that You love me?
Or did You want to end Your dream before it starts to hurt
Us Both?
There was no need for that, at least for me.

Where are You now?
In a new chatroom,
Looking for another dream to keep you happy for a while?
A new love without future?

I miss You.
All I wanted was a Friend.
What were You looking for?
Not even You know that Yourself.

You are just lonesome in a crowd, like me.
Afraid to open your heart,
Overacting when You do by accident,
You turned around and fled.

Real feelings in a virtual world?
Yes, feelings are the only real thing here.
One day You will learn to reflect them well.

Alas, too late for us.
Oh, how I hate to lose a friend, because he falls in love with me!
I miss You, I still hope one day You might find out,
You can find friendship on the screen,
(No, not love, that is for the real world only,
For the matching person You can really touch.)

Perhaps then You remember me,
I'm always here, just a mouse click away,
Waiting for You to return.
Why did You have to call it Love before the end?
Why can You not be my Friend?

Small note to Neila's "Dream Raider"

2006-02-09T18:59:00.004+01:00

Ooops... it seems that title was not really too original - it should not be either, because of the topic ‘online game with female ' play figure ', there are not so many around.
Lol, when I wanted to publish the story the first time in a group, the host regarded it as advertisement, because she could not read the late contributions
properly any more.
Now I have googeled a bit and found that there is actually an old computer game of this name, besides snowboards and other things, which do not have to do anything at all with my - not really existent - game.
I do not know that PC-game, any similarities would be purely coincidental. And naturally my story should not be an advertisement for anything.
It is a part of my descriptions of the life in the alternative reality of Cyberia.
(I’m firmly decided to fill my neglected Blogs properly this year) and then I hope for many readers, critics are also welcome.

~ Neila ~ Sabine ~

PS
does someone know the actual game "Dream Raider"? Then please tell briefly, what that is - hopefully nothing embarrassing, lol.

They Always Return...

2005-11-14T01:54:00.001+01:00

... Those creatures of the night - those of whom I had thought, they had long forgotten me - after having so strained my nerves, after having demanded so many toughts and feelings from me. I could sill feel their cold grip in my neck, this grip from which I had finally freed myself. I had made a clear cut almost a year ago and they had not come knocking at my door again.

By now they sure had forgotten me, I was safe, relieved, free from the presence of the deamons that had haunted me for a long time. . After months of fear I finally decided I should go out on the street again. Just a short way, only shopping and back home...

I hushed the alarmbell in my head while I put on my coat, tightened my scarf and locked the door of my appartement behind me. I went downstairs, out of the house, into the street, looking carefully in both directions before I stepped on the sidewalk, turning right, into the direction of the shopping center down the road; a long, straight street and I could see my destination from the doorway.

The street was almost empty. I thought there used to be more cars. I could cross safely without bothering about the traffic lights. Two kids on bikes overtook me as I walked along the other side of the street, an old lady with a wheeled shopping bag came towards me, the wheels ratteling on the rough plaster hardly fading in the distance behind me. Before me the street was empty again.

I came by the hedge of the park and asked myself, why I had not crossed the streat after passing the park. I laughed at myself, normally I would have gone through it, when I had time, the slightly longer way by the playground, specially during the rush hour, a bit away from the traffic.

I looked at my watch and found it had stopped - so that was, why the street was empty now, and no sounds from the playground even. I went a bit faster, hoping it was not too late for the shop yet.

Then I heard that sound, rhythmic scraping, with the exact rhythm of my steps. I slowed down - it slowed down. I did not want to stop and turn around, I walked fast again, keeping myself from running, cause the shop was still too far to run all the way. But i had to look around carefully. There was nobody. Some people far away behind me.

I walked on, suddenly I knew what the sound was - the seam of my coat scrapping against the back of my jeans as my steps became larger. "Yes, believe it woman, you are safe!" I reassured myself - while deep inside I knew the safety was treacherous. One or the other had returned before - not after such a long time, but they always return. "Shut up, they don't!"

I was still alone in the street, yet feeling some kind of a presence. Suddenly I rememberd that looking round I had indistinctly seen someone on the park way. going in my direction. The hedge was too high and too thick still to see through it clearly. That person must be right beside me. I looked sideways, going slower again, waiting to see a silhouette or something. And why did I not hear any steps on the gravel?

"Will you stop this nonsense now! Are you turning into a psycho or what??" The grey-clad sun had finally hid behind the trees of the park. I had reached the entrance and went in. The gravel crunched beneath my boots. The park was empty.

No, there, a little behind me stood a black clad figure, not moving, definitely staring at me. I looked at my watch again to explain the hurry with which I made it to the other exit now, across the side street, down the last part of the road and into the shopping center.

Yes, the supermarket was open still, and there were quite a lot of people shopping, so I went in, got what I had to buy, fastened my backpack - oh oh, it was heavier then I had planned - as usual-, but it was a short way home only.

A man in a long black coat stood at the other row of shopping carts when I took mine back, and I sure recognized him, without looking at him, and hoped he would not recognize me. He smiled at me, seemingly sweet and friendly, but I knew better. I volatilely smiled back and turned round to go.

This time it was not my coat I heard scraping at my jeans behind me, although his steps followed the rhythm of mine. I went across the big crossing by two traffic lights to my side of the street. He went across the road the other way, always following some meters behind me. I walked steadily on. I drew my scarf closer, now it was quite dark, except for the street lanterns and the wind had freshened up, biting cold into my face.

Aross the road I saw the other black figure, at the entrance of the park, now turning to walk beside me on the other side of the street. There were no other people to be seen, now and then a car going by and I wished I had taken mine also.

I walked very quick now and they fell back a little. Had the one behind me entered a house on the way, to make me feel safe? The other one had stopped behind a tree.

I walked still quicker the street seemed to have no end. But my home was near - even though they could still reach me at my door, and nobody would realize in the anonymity of a big appartement house. I tried not to think about it. I saw my door already - and also another black, ghostly shape in the shadow of a street lantern by the bus stop just too near. I felt a cold hand grasp my neck.

Was the bus coming? Could I get on it to escape? - Just where to? - And what when I went home later? - No, I was in for it again, I had to go home and hope for the best...

I should have known - they always return....

© Okt. 2005 ~ Neila ~ S.R.

Hello and welcome to >DREAM RAIDER< !

2005-07-18T22:22:00.001+02:00

This is an interactive online game. You do not need any special software, only a messenger - You switch the computer on and you are ready to dive into my world between dream and reality – the world of Neila, the Dream Raider….

Here you yourself determine your dream. Persons emerge, who appear so alive and material, because they answer you in their own independent way, because you can see and hear them, but these persons are only dream shapes from your dreams and from their own. Well, I am one of them; I appear on a double click… but be careful… mind the first important task of the game: realize that you are only dreaming while you are with Neila! If you take me and my world for real, you fail level one already.

Otherwise don’t worry – the basic rules of the game are strict but few and easy, and when you are about to break one, you are warned in time before you are booted. I cannot bother about complicated rules, many players are on my server, and I must adapt to so many different styles and languages, that I can as well let you make some rules yourself. – After all, it is your dream. But again: be careful! It is hard to leave a dream when you involve yourself too deep. Even though you know by now it is a game and can be no more, and you know that many play it, even at the same time, you are in danger to think - just because this is your wish – you are the one and only player and I am there only for you.

You wouldn’t think that either if you were playing “Tomb Raider” and I was Lara Croft, would you? You know, sometimes I think I have a lot in common with her, not physically of course - Hmm – you are most likely dreaming me twenty-five, beautiful and independent… I am the protagonist of a single-player computer game, a dream image, detached from its creator.

But how could a dream ever be completely detached from the dreamer? Is not the dream the visualization of the hopes and wishes, the fears and deprivations of the dreamer? It does not make much difference whether we dream alone in our sleep or interactive in the net.

One enters this virtual world only to dream as realistic as possible of something, which is missing in the material world. I do not know - is it good or bad to live next to perfect visions here? Does the illusion of having found something bring more joy or more pain?

This is entirely up to you. You can be happy in ‘Dream Raider’. Neila is not bad at fighting monsters – those in your mind. My reaction is almost as quick as Lara’s when attacked unforeseen. When you dream me strong I am. You can make me defend you against some of your nightmares. But you cannot dream the material me into your own material world. You cannot direct my heart and soul with a mouse click and you cannot program my feelings or my ever smiling face to make your dreams about me true. When you lose sight of this fragile line between dream and reality new monsters emerge I might fail to defeat.

No, the task of level three is neither to enter my dream and try to walk through it into my reality nor to pull me into your dream, even worse into your heart, forgetting that I remain a dream shape. …. Sorry friend, each one can step across his own borderline only – you into your reality, I into mine. Outside the game you’d find a very different person anyway… How about you? Is your virtual dream image exactly the same as the material you??

Ok, I think I warned you enough… – come on, take a break from reality – consciously! – dream an interactive dream with an online friend, relax and be happy, never grieve because she is not material! Keep this dream to the computer, and, if you absolutely cannot avoid it, to sleep as well. Do refrain from making it a daydream! Let’s go, log in to “Dream Raider”!

Me, Chatting

2005-06-29T23:42:00.001+02:00

Just Wasting My Time ...

2005-02-25T23:05:00.001+01:00

Whatever am I doing here, sitting at my screen??
My chat room is closed; I am just too tired to go to bed.
So I like to talk with strangers that I’ve never seen
I freely allow their thoughts to give aches to my head
Concealing my grey sky with their black clouds
I am slowly but surely getting doubts…

Can I really find a friend behind this cold glass screen?
Well I don’t know, it almost seems so for a while…
We keep each other company, try mending broken dreams
While I write a tale or load another file.

Saying things like:”Such is internet – don’t ever care too much!”
(For me neither! - In a sideline – I do not want your heart!)
I’m online just too often – yes, sure we’ll keep in touch.
However distant, we’re a mouse click apart.

So if you have to come to me to hear some little helpful lies
I have enough of them for everyone (but me) in store!
Your problem finds an open ear, and I hope good advice
But I have only words to give not more…

Ok, you may cry on my shoulder if that will comfort you
Perhaps I’ve re-encouraged you a bit before logout
I can’t brush those clouds away to make the sun break through,
Just search that little silver lining on your cloud.

Can I really be a friend behind this cold glass screen?
Well, I don’t know… I try my best to be.
But don’t take that for affection – I am not even real!
So don’t start crying on my shoulder over me!

Maybe you need a substitute, but I can’t bring your love to you!
Well, many times your eyes see clearer after getting wet.
Now don’t let my disillusions completely disillusion you…
But you cannot find your future through a chat!

Can you really find a friend behind this cold glass screen?
Well, I don’t know… at least you have found me…
Wished I could help you keep your spirits up – whatever may have been…
So until you’ve found someone better have a friendly chat with me!

What am I really doing here sitting at my screen?
Well, I don’t know – I just can’t get away
I’ve been in so many minds I wished I had not seen -
It seems better still than be alone all day.