Friday, November 20, 2009

Alternative Reality Blog: re-URLd

Alternative Reality Blog: Starting Over with Neilas Alternative Reality Blog

Why? click above ;)
I am also going to move most of my stories and poems over, which belong there.

Schon aus Seo-Gründen ist es doch ein wenig günstiger, wenn die URL so lautet wie der Blog-Titel.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Prisoner Behind Glass

Craze of Love – Windows Live ~ by me 07.08.2005 - (often renamed)


He is starting to live where she lives on his screen
The perfect flower he created in his heart
The one that could not hurt him with her thorns
He washes the blood off his pierced hands with the dew on her petals.
Dangerous medicine for his not half cured wounds

He desperately embraces the danger
Her soft warm body, hot kisses
Painted on glass.

A prospector, insane through lonesomeness
Craving for the gold of her hair
While the gentle touch of her fingers creates
Only letters.

Words like honey drops are bitter manna for his starving soul
Stabbing his heart like poisoned knives.
Until he seeks ease
Diving into the quiet lake of her eyes
Secretly wishing to drown there when they close
So he would not have to ever leave.

He keeps walking the impossible forbidden path to her heart
In treacherous certainty that one day he will live there.

He delivers himself to these tender hands
To let the well known suffering they cause cover all those others he cannot control
The welcome pain, that tells him he is alive.

© ~ Neila ~ S. R. 2005

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Substitute

She was always there. She knew, how much he needed her to listen, care, reassure him. He was used to her, he loved her. There was no way she could not love him, however much she denied it. He lived with her for the better part of his life, and after a while forgot the fact this part of his life was not real.

She was there for him and only for him. It was so easy to ignore the others that were there with her as well. The only reality  for him was her presence, her love for him, and the fact she could never leave him, never let him down, as others had done before.

He would never lose her. Their relationship would never change. She would always be near him - only a mouse click away.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Love Letters and Memories

As an online marketer I often join one or the other community, when someone invites me, looking for business friends, webmasters, bloggers, but homebusiness is a lonely job as well, so any communication is welcome - only, outside facebook - not checked linked-in yet, all the world seems to consist of people who do not just lack communication, but are desperately searching for their partner.

Whether my profile is set up correctly or not - I never forget to write first place thatI'm a happily married mother of a grow-up son - between the advertisements and scams (really few nowadays, luckily) there are the letters asking to come to come to know me closer - "and here is my messenger id". - I sure have no time to chat, and I sure know what they want and hope they forget me among all the other girls they wrote to - but when I check back after perhaps a month, I find so many asking why don't you answer?I hope, they read my blog as well, where I tell why I don't answer... .

Cyberia is a lonesome place, I know, that is why we join communities and make friends.

Only, why are you looking for Love online? I wished I could say different, but from all the experiences with so many former friends - and recent ones who gave up on me at least - I can only tell:

Love is something that belongs to the Real World, not to Cyberspace. And Love has to do with nearness, not with long distance. Sure, it is even better when it starts as a nearness of minds - but that makes the situation even worse. 'The farther away, the closer to the heart'. And the harder to bear the fact, that s/he is not near.

Why would you want to suffer so much? Can I not understand this, because I am Neila, the Spacelady, or because women in general keep a clearer head? You may answer: "It is my heart, that tells me to love, it is not me."

No, wrong answer! When your eyes see a picture, when your mind reads some words, when your ears hear music, it always goes to the brain first.

There is a man in my mind, he has left my virtual life since a long time, and I knew it would come to this. - No, I'm a married woman, and had I started some years earlier, he could have been my son, I was not 'in love' with him. I just - well, hard to describe my feelings, perhaps it was a kind of love, a different kind from this man-woman thing. He somehow became a part of my life, however much I tried to drive him away. And all I did was suffering with him all the time, and wondering, why such a sweet handsome guy could not find a wife.

I hope, I helped him a bit through this hard time by offering a virtual shoulder to cry on - that is, he was one of those men who don't cry, and I did it secretly for him after log off. It really is so much harder to be forced to help a friend over his impossible love, when you are the object yourself.... .

He has left the Cyberworld for good now - step by step, looking in only to find me now and again for a while with longer and longer intervals, and I know he will never anymore after more than a year. I wished I knew, if he is happy now so he doesn't need me anymore. - But at least I know, he is over it now, missing me does not hurt so much anymore that he is forced back into the dangerous Virtual World.

This process is normal - only with him it took a little longer:

However deep a feeling my be, it will faint. Looking at an old married couple, still loving each other, caring, and so on, - but it is such a different relationship now than it was when they got married. - but they were together all the time, had somehow grown together, and the feelings only changed.

Over a long distance - how could that happen? Into what togetherness should the feelings flow, when the other is never physically near? Even if both love each other and there is no fast way to get together, the feelings just fade during each one living his own life and growing in the daily necessities that leave no room for constant daydreams. One forgets - sure not the person, but the feelings one had. - Internet is only a passtime for most people, and one will look in only from time to time, if one meets the other, one is happy to meet, if not, there was something else to do anyways, someone else to chat with without having to feel troubled, or write ones old neglected Blog... .

Monday, June 02, 2008

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